Updated: Jun 13, 2019
Years ago, a very young, immature (and probably much more optimistic) version of me told God I want to be more humble. (First of all, this is a beautiful prayer to pray—incredibly sobering and challenging, but gorgeous!) On the heels of that prayer, He gave me three children.
Early this year, I prayed a prayer, that was similar. “God, I want to stay humble—broken and needing you every day. I want you to help me challenge my pride every day so that I don’t get hard-hearted and begin to do things on my own merit.” On the heels of that prayer, He told me to homeschool.
I don’t know if I have fought something so much in my heart. The challenge of homeschooling for me is unprecedented! I never considered this as a part of my future. Also, even as I write this, I am uncomfortable because I lack confidence in my ability to teach my children, manage a schedule, be consistent and actually pay that much attention to them.
To do this, I literally need Him every day—just so that I don’t break down into tears. At this stage of my life, this is the ultimate trust fall. So, actually, this is good for me. Terrible—absolutely horrendous and frightening—but, in my faith walk, I “trust” Him (or let’s just say, I’m trying to trust Him) that it will be beautiful.
I now understand why the apostle Paul says that women will be saved through childbearing! (See 1 Timothy 2:15) As part of the consequence for disobedience in Genesis 3, man and woman became aware of good and evil and the weight that it bears on one’s soul. I believe that weight is often manifest in pride. If that’s true, women were stricken with pride upon eating fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and, in sharp contrast, childbearing (and child-rearing) is incredibly humbling.
Christian brothers and sisters, many of you will not be shaken by the things that shake me. But I dare you to ask Him for humility. He knows what will shake you—what will make you need Him. Without humility, we cannot be like the little children that He tells us will get us into the kingdom. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 6:3 NASB)
Choose humility, not because you can be humble, but because it will be the hardest thing you can do to take up your cross and follow Him.